Today I was looking through my computer and I found this document I worte a few days after I got back from my exchange year and I as I read it all the feelings came back. It's a lot better now and I've been back twice. I wanted to share the document though becuase I know it could help a lot of returning exchange students out there, so here it goes:
So I’m finally back home again. Or I don’t know if finally is the right word, but well I’m home again. Well, I’m in Sweden again with my family. Wait, my biological family. That’s the hardest part about being back. I’m with my family, but I miss my family. I’m hanging out with my friends but I miss my friends. I enjoy life, but I miss my life. There is no right or wrong anymore. There is more than one of everything and it’s an extremely strange feeling. There are so many things I miss. I miss late nights at dq and hop jack’s, free refills, Friday dinners out, playing tennis after school, the heat, fuck there are so many things I miss. But mostly it’s the people. It’s crazy that there are these people that you spent up to 10 months with, people that became part of your everyday life and now you don’t even know when’s gonna be the next time you see them. One of the even crazier thing are the exchange students. People that you were so close with for so long and have so many memories together. People that spoke over 10 different languages together, all of them making an effort just to talk to each other. People who all left everything they knew to go to a foreign place with people that they had never met. I miss all of my FES’s so bad. People from all over the world that were gathered in one city and now they’re spread out all over the world. Literally people on every single continent and it’s such a strange feeling. People that used to be so close are now forced apart because of distance. Fucking awful distance. I feel so lost although at the same time so at home. It’s the strangest feeling I’ve ever had. Everyone says that it’s the prize you pay for traveling. You will leave pieces of your heart all over the world and you will never feel totally at home again. And yeah I get that could be true but this can’t be healthy for a person. I seriously think something is wrong with me and it actually kinda scares me. Right this moment I just really want to lay in my bed and cry and feel sorry for myself. I miss Kennewick, or more like the people so much that it hurts and I can’t deal with this. I mean I have to but I kinda feel like giving up whatever that’s supposed to mean.At the same time as I miss Kennewick I’m glad I’m back home. No, actually, I don’t know. What I do know is I love my friends and family here, I love public transportation, and I love my freedom.
I really hope that this can help people. And it does get better. I do miss Kennewick and the people there every single day but it's a lot easier now than it was then. Hang in there.